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Monday, January 31, 2011

Bear Blank..........

Some joke that got sent to moi...enjoy...have a happy day.............

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare

Dear Soccer Fans,
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik's Cube,
Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan

Dear Romeo,
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Sincerely, Juliet

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear Sex Educators,
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary

Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast

Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake

Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Interesting Facts | Useless facts

Culled from Interesting Facts | Useless facts: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

# The term rule of thumb comes from the old English law that men couldn't beat their wives with anything wider than their thumb.

# Less than one percent of people who entered Germany's Auschwitz concentration camp survived, after being liberated by the Russians in 1945.

# American poet Edgar Allan Poe was once thrown out of West Point Academy in 1831 after showing up for inspection stark naked.

# A monkey's skull wrapped in leather and paper was used as a soccer ball in the very first World's Cup Soccer Championships in Uruguay.

# Ants never sleep in their wholelife.

# A reward of $1,000 was offered for information leading to the capture and conviction of a man robbing taxi drivers. The man turned himself in and demanded the reward as a result. He received a 20 year sentence for aggravated robbery instead.

# The "pound" key on your keyboard (#) is called an octotroph.

# Elvis Presley's hip-wiggling started out as a stage fright. He was so nervous, that his legs would shake.

# Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

# A man was arrested and charged with the robbery—of vending machines. The man posted bail, entirely in quarters.

# TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

# Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

# The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

# Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard.

# Abdul Kassam Ismael, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. Four hundred camels carried the 117,000 volumes.

# Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"

# The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

# A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

# Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years.

# Hitler and Napoleon both had only one testicle.

# Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

# Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

# In 1386, a pig was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.

# 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

# All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

# Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
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