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Sunday, April 25, 2010

FIFA OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE - For Immediate release

This one is for your ATTENTION all ladies!!!!

 

 

 

Image gotten from http://cempaka-belanda.blogspot.com/2009/12/netherlands-seeded-for-2010-world-cup.html

 

Dear Wife / Sweetheart / Girlfriend / Partner / Whomever it may concern, 

1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the South African World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor….It won’t happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on (excluding your body parts), and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time “. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again, Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a ) I will not go,
b ) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?” because, the reply will be, “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because before and after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, KPL, FA Cup, Euro Cup, etc.

P/S

By the way if you get stuck on the road call the Police or AA.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Frankenstein

Frankenstein T-Shirt by Budzi Graphic Design.

Image is by Budzi Graphic Design

My little son and I were ‘brainstorming’ over what it would be like to have Frankenstein and the Big Bad Wolf in the same story. We had quite a blast and here is what we came up with:

There once lived a scientist who wanted to create a person. He started out by collecting lots of body parts from the cemetery.
One day he put all the parts he had collected together and using his science skills he was able to give life to a living being and he named it Frankenstein.


There was a problem. What he created was not actually human, but a monster. He was ugly and looked bad. The scientist looked at him and thought, 'What a mistake! What a waste! I have created something bad!'


He decided he had to kill Frankenstein the Monster. He wanted to kill him by poison, then he changed his mind and decided to let it go into the wild where he would be torn apart by wolves and lions.
So he drove Frankenstein away into the cold and wild night. Frankenstein went into the wild and was immediately attacked by some wolves and lions but he was too strong for them all and killed them and they left him alone after that.


Frankenstein kept getting drawn to the scientist's house and the scientist kept driving him away. The scientist had a little girl called Kiera. Kiera had grown up all by herself with no mother, as her mother ran away and left them when she was born. One day, Kiera, was out playing all by herself and out in the forest surrounding their house, a big bad hungry wolf was out stalking Kiera.


The wolf came up with a plan to deceive Kiera into thinking that it was her long lost mother! So the wolf looked for human clothes to put on. She put on a nice looking frock, a nice looking blouse and got some perfume for her body and some mint for her bad breath.
The wolf came walking by and said, 'Hello Kiera! How nice it is to see you at last! Oh, how I have missed you!' Innocent Kiera asked her, 'Who are you?' and the wolf said, 'Why, I am your long lost mother!' Kiera said, 'My mother? We all thought you were dead!'
The wolf said, 'No! I am not dead, I was out looking for some berries when you were born and some outlaws in the woods kidnapped me! I have only managed to escape and I came straight away to look for my little darling!'


Innocent Kiera was overjoyed. At last, she had a mother to look up to, a mother all of her own! She could not wait to share this news with her father, the scientist. So she said, 'You must come with me at once to look for father, he will be absolutely delighted to see you after all these while!' The hungry wolf thought fast and sharp and said, 'Oh! I would love to see my darling husband but first I need to rest and take the load off my feet. Take me inside and I will rest awhile then we will set out and look for your daddy.' This sounded good to Kiera and she decided to take her indoors.


Meanwhile, in the surrounding bushes, Frankenstein was watching this exchange and he thought to himself, 'The scientist has never done right by me, maybe now I can finally have revenge and watch his little girl, the light of his eyes get torn to pieces! Then again, what good would that do me? This little girl never hurt me, she has never done anything to make life miserable for me. Perhaps I should save her and in the process teach the scientist a greater lesson, that of LOVE!'


So Frankenstein slinked into the house and searched for Kiera and the big bad wolf. Just in time, Frankenstein came upon the big bad wolf about to eat Kiera alive. Frankenstein charged into the room and shouted, 'Why, you little rascal, get away from the little!' The wolf bared her fangs and rushed at Frankenstein, but this was a mistake because Frankenstein grabbed her and flung her out through the window. It was a long fall and the wolf died immediately, smashing to pieces! The scientist happened to be at the gates at that very instant and he rushed up the stairs, shouting, 'Kiera. Kiera!'
Kiera said, 'Hi dad, thank God you are home. Frankenstein just saved me from the big bad wolf! I owe my life to him' The scientist was touched by this and he felt sad at having treated Frankenstein badly. He took Frankenstein back in and they all lived happily ever after.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The driver

This is a funny one, I just had to share. I found it over at http://pinoyborian.blogspot.com/

 

 

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After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.


'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'


'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today..'


'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..


'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.


Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)


'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.


The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.


'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.


The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.


'So bust him,' says the Chief.


'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'


'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.


The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'


Cop: 'Bigger.'


Chief: 'A senator?'


Cop: 'Bigger..'


Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'


Cop: 'Bigger.'


'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'


Cop: 'I think it's God!'


The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'


Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

Friday, April 16, 2010

in the dark

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image is by retrodiva photography

On April 16, 2010 © Stani. All rights reserved

a place so dark, no end in sight
stood in line for so long
glimmers of hope slowly faded away
now i see through you.

this, this place, my descent
this is me all alone
in my head, all that i want to say
what i need you to know

paranoia your legacy to me

everything, everyone falls apart
shaky, trembling center
associated images fizzle away

tear me down, what is left of me
nothing ever changes, same old same old
the cross gets heavier
weighing me down.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Yar Adua’s first press conference after ailment!

Saw this at www.nigeriancuriosity.com

 

Very funny spoof of presido!

 

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Monday, April 5, 2010

Some Optical Illusions

Images from http://www.opticaliillusions.com/

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Check out more "@ http://www.opticaliillusions.com/

Sunday, April 4, 2010

On Racism and Hate

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Image is taken from here

Toyosi a young man with a very bright future must have woken up a Friday morning thinking about the future and how much he could contribute to it. little did he know that at about 7PM that same day he would be lying in a pool of his blood – a victim of an alleged racist attack.

Today his mother wails in agony, in pain, in her mind she cannot and will never get used to the fact that this young man she nurtured for 15 years is suddenly no more, a huge hole will remain in her heart forever, she will never be able to get over this loss.

Sadly, this is the sad reality facing us here today, we who are not originally from this land, this land which we have come to love so much, but which at the end of the day offers us no protection against racist bullies who operate under some form of constitutional protection.

Every day, every hour of every day, perhaps, a racist offense is being committed in Ireland, be it the taunts which we face, the stone throwing, the name calling, the inadvertent urge to put us in our place, every day, we wake knowing that we have no one to turn to, for if they strike, nobody will protect us.

The government hides its head under the sand thinking that there is no problem or rather they probably have no desire to stem this ill. A government minister said a couple of years ago, that there was no racism in Ireland because he had not witnessed race riots! Very funny you might say.

Sadly again, racism and other types of hate crimes are not synonymous with Ireland alone. Indeed, all over Europe, the USA, the rest of the Western world, Africa, Asia and the rest of the world, a type of hate crime takes place everyday. This could happen in form of homophobic attacks, or attacks on foreigners in South Africa.

Today we hear reports from South Africa of a White Supremacist who got bludgeoned to death, probably as a result of race hate. The man himself was a virulent racist who urged no quarter in the zeal to either exterminate the blacks in SA or subjugate them to the level of having no rights, yet his death serves no purpose at all. It only buttresses the fact that hate only breeds hate and violence.

When will it all stop? Maybe never. It is sad to think that way, but history does not shed an encouraging light on issues of this kind. Someone once said that governments around the world should try to dedicate a lot more resources to educating people about the ills of racism and hatred in general.

I don’t believe that is going to work anyway. These racist attitudes are deeply entrenched in our psyche, passed down from fathers and mothers to their children and in turn to their own children. It is a sad, vicious circle really and it leads to so much waste, waste of so much potential,

Every culture is guilty of this. While it might seem like an uphill task, while we might believe that there is no solution, still we cannot sit and fold our hands and watch our children kill themselves over some stupid and irrelevant matter such as racism and hatred. The world could be a better place if we could only extend some love to all men.

The shoes could turn on you tomorrow. you have taken the life of someone because they are not of your race, your own life could be taken tomorrow as well, or the lives of your own children. Would you like that? You who are a cop and refuse to come to the aid of a foreigner, are you doing your job?

You, the politician, who campaigns on racial platforms, encouraging people to hate, how do you sleep at night, when you think of the innocent people who have lost their lives as a result of your evil rhetoric? How do you even look at your own children, when you may have being responsible for the loss of other children’s lives?

Today, let us think of Toyosi, and the pain which his family has being subjected to for the rest of their lives. Think of the millions who lost their lives in Hitler’s purge. Think of those who lost their lives in xenophobic riots in South Africa. Think of the void which has being created in the world.

We can live together in peace and tranquillity. It is not so hard. We just need to let go of age-old beliefs that serve no real purpose in these civilized times. We just need to try as much as we can to spread a little love and maybe someday soon, We will be able to walk down the streets and not fear for our lives.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Easter Pics

Don’t know the artist(s) but these look nice…….

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My Blog is Carbon neutral

 

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Make it Green, a German team has created the ‘My blog is carbon-neutral’ buttons to help in combating the effects of global warming. Apparently, blogs have yearly carbon emissions which are generally not good for the environment. At www.pensivethoughts.com I read that a blog with 15,000 visits a month can cause a yearly carbon emission of 8lb!

 

What the team aims to do is this. for every blog that installs the ‘My blog is carbon neutral’ button, they will plant a tree to neutralize the carbon footprint of said blog. They are doing this in conjuction with the Arbor Day Foundation in Plumas National Forest in California.

 

So get cracking bloggers. Let’s do our little bit to save our planet. Here is a link that explains how you can participate http://www.kaufda.de/umwelt/carbon-neutral/how-you-can-join

Waiting

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Image is from http://www.flickr.com/photos/somerandomdude/1427448518/

On April 03, 2010 © Stani. All rights reserved

I still come here often, just to sit on that same bench we both loved to sit on, while savouring our togetherness.
Remember? Of course you do! When I sit here, the memories come flooding in. I remember the fist time you kissed me.
Oh! How sweet it was! How you laid your head on my shoulder, your arms round my waist, promising me it would never end.

I thought it would never end  myself, I thought we would go on forever, drifting along in innocent reveries. What did we know?
Nothing really, we were just two innocent bystanders about to get caught in events not of our choosing. Maybe if we
could have found a crystal ball, who knows, maybe we would have seen the future and what it held. 

Do you know, I saw him yesterday? Him, the one who tore us apart, the one who could not stand to see how happy we were.
He looked right though me, as if I did not exist. My blood boiled over, my heart bled! I remembered all the evil he
did to you, I wanted to end it all there, but I held myself back. I heard your voice telling me, 'Wait! soon!'

I have everything prepared now. This space that used to be ours, now mine alone. Needles and knives sharpened. Shackles
prepared. Your father is on the way now. Soon the waiting will all be over! Who knows, maybe I will be with you soon
holding you once more in my arms, the way i sued to...

Friday, April 2, 2010

Google Translate for animals

translateanimals_logo

Take a tour of Translate for Animals!

  • Step 1: How to begin

    On your Android phone, go to Android Market and search for "Translate for Animals" to download the app.

     donkey goat chicken

  • Step 2. Opening the app

    Once the app is installed, touch the "Translate for Animals" app icon from the handset's main menu to open it.

  • Step 3: Selecting your animal to translate
  • goose sheep cow
  • Once the app has opened touch the ‘translate from’ box. You will see a drop down menu open up. Choose from cat, dog, bird, rabbit, guinea pig, hamster, tortoise, horse, chicken, sheep, donkey, and pig.

     

  • Step 4: Selecting your language

    Touch the ‘translate to’ box to open English as the choice of language.

    Only English is available currently.

    Note: We are currently working on this. You will soon be able to translate to most languages including Mongolian, Hindi, Cantonese, and Pig-Latin.

  • Step 5: Recording your animal

    Make sure the animal you'd like to translate is calm and at-ease. Depending on the animal in question, you may wish to stroke or pet it as you bring the handset close to its mouth. Press the "Press to listen" button to record as it woofs, meows, neighs, oinks...

  • Step 6: Processing the data

    Please be patient whilst the voice recognition software checks the recorded pet sounds against the millions of stored noises in the Animal Linguistic Database. This should only take a few seconds.

  • Step 7: Transcribing the translation

    Once the data has been processed you will see an English transcript translation of what your animal has said. If you wish to hear it spoken press the speaker button to hear an audio version.

    Note: It is not Google’s responsibility if you are offended or disappointed by what your chosen animal may say. Also please note, we do not guarantee stimulating conversation.

  • Step 8: Rewarding your pet
    Give your pet a treat to say thank you for the conversation and provide encouragment for all the ones you'll have in the future. Good luck!

Pro Tip: As a general rule the higher up in the food chain an animal is, the better a communicator it will be. So if you are after quick witted banter it’s best to select cats and dogs rather than rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs.

(Herbivores and omnivores are not known for their linguistic ability. Although it has been discovered that tortoises have expansive general knowledge.)

©2010 Google

 

LINK: http://www.google.co.uk/intl/en/landing/translateforanimals/tour.html

Thursday, April 1, 2010

In the news today

A Lebanese man convicted in Saudi Arabia of the crime of ‘sorcery’ is scheduled to be be-headed. Ali Hussain Sibat is a former host of a popular call-in show aired in Lebanon, in which he ‘predicts’ the future and advices callers on what to do. He was arrested in Saudi Arabia when he went to perform Umra. I don’t believe this man is sorcerer or that he can predict the future. Come on, if he could see into the future, would he have travelled to Saudi Arabia in the first place? I get confused, no frustrated, when people carry out actions based on religious zeal which beclouds their normal thinking abilities! This should not even have gone to court, it is so simple! Now he is to be be-headed based on some wacky, religious reason? Please!

Moving on, still on the same fundamentalism, but good news anyway, a Malaysion model who was supposed to have being publicly caned for drinking alcohol in public, has had her sentence commuted to community service instead. Well, I see common-sense prevailing somewhere! There is a level of hypocrisy here that I don’t understand or maybe I am the one who is cuckoo. You don’t want people in your country drinking beer, but you allow beer to be sold in the same country! Wow! What a load of crock! If you You probably delude yourself when you imagine that nobody who is a muslim drinks alcohol in the country.

In other news, a former high school teacher in facing criminal charges on five misdemeanor charges of contributing to the depravation of a minor, has been acquitted on all counts. Nathan Grigsby was  elated by the news, hear him, ‘"I'm very excited and glad to see justice prevailed," Grigsby said. "I put my faith in God that the jury would see the truth, which is the way I told it."  Why this case went to court in the first place I do not know nor understand, I mean this days all sort of stuff is taught in school, sex education being one of them.  Anyway, kudos to the jury for keeping a cool head. See the video here.

Be warned! A new deadly ‘legal drug’ is about to flood the markets! This warning is coming from the manufacturer of such ‘legal drugs’ like mephedrone. Listen to him,  "This stuff is absolutely evil - it's going to cause all sorts of psychological problems, It will cause long-term brain damage from the very first hit and eventually it's going to end up with bodies." The drug is called NAPHYRONE. I guess once it hits the UK markets, it would only be a matter of time before it hits Ireland! It makes my skin creep when I think about the hurdles the governments face to ban these legal designer highs. One gets banned and another hits the market almost immediately. Don’t be fooled though, it’s all about filthy lucre and the guys who manufacture these drugs do not care except at the end of the day they get paid, that is all they care about!

 
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