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Thursday, January 8, 2009

Conversations 3

© Stani, All rights reserved

Part 3 in my series of Conversations of Concerned Nigerians! Here we go:

"Greetings O! How you dey today?"

"I am okay my man, very okay. I was just about to find my way to your crib, wetin dey now?"

"Nothing much, just that something I just discovered is not making me happy."

"What is that now?"

"I just found out that Baba Go Slow and his cronies have earmarked about 2 billion of our money for the purchase of petrol for government generators"

"What is wrong with that? You always look for a reason to complain. In fact, I am beginning to think that if I check up that word, 'complain' in the dictionary, I would most certainly see your face in its place!"

"You no well! It's people like you who are encouraging this ridiculous manner in which government spends our money"

"Which money? Do you have money? When did the government tell you that this money is yours? Look let me just knock this into that thick skull of yours, people like BGS and his predecessors do not believe they owe us anything in terms of good governance, accountability and all that blah blah blah that you are always talking about. In fact, they believe the nation is theirs to run as they see fit and neither you nor I can do anything about this misconception of theirs. So when you see me drinking my akpeteshi and chomping on my chicken laps, it's not that I cannot complain, but I have come to realize that my complaining will only get me into trouble with security boys"

"So you are content to remain like this, enjoying yourself as if there is nothing wrong?"

"Yes. Do you think I want to be forcefully invited to visit the triple S guys? Abeg, make we talk of other matters jor! I hear that congratulations are in order?"

"For me?"

"You ke? Who know you, oloshi! I am talking about the other Baba! He just got awarded a certificate in theology"

"Oh! That one? If not for am, we no go dey all these mess today!"

"Which mess are you talking about now?"

"The Baba Go Slow mess now!"

"Forget that side! Look BGS is here, he is the best we have out a 150million people, we just need to make do and hope for the best, after all, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king now!"

"You and your parables! I suppose that aptly describes the spate of kidnapping that is being going on everywhere? I heard that Elechi Amadi was kidnapped and a ransom of 300million naira was demanded?"

"Yes O! The boys released him sha when they realized he had nothing to offer them! This kidnapping issue is really giving cause for concern. It is gradually spreading all over the country and it really bugs me!"

"Hahhahahha! Shebi you talk say nothing dey worry you, just keep on drinking your akpeteshi, dem go soon come kidnap you for here and your eyes go open!"

"If na play, make you stop am! I would not even be able to offer them more than a keg of palmi! The government needs to start looking at this issue urgently. Unemployment is giving these youths an excuse to carry out these activities. There is no hope in the land anymore. The philosophy of Go Slowism is really starting to make matters worse. I mean, I worry that with the spate of kidnappings and armed robberies taking place everyday, there seems to be no urgent move from the relevant quarters to find a lasting solution to the nagging issues. Instead, they are pursuing irrelevant actions like sacking Nuhu and arresting bloggers like Elendu!"

"Yes! And if they are not running after anti-corruption champions and bloggers, they are arresting women who are scantily dressed!"

"See am now, you don take me back to old news! At the height of that morality campaign, I think they arrested about 90 girls for wearing small small shimi! I nearly died of laughter O! Robbers where and are still attacking banks and innocent people, Police are busy arresting innocent women!"

"Bros, seriously, jokes aside, government need to do something O! Imagine a land like this, ehn, where riding okada is regarded as employment? Almost any house wey you enter, you are certain to meet a 'yahoo boy'. I tell you, the way we be now, na survival of the fittest O!"

"Na so now! Look abeg, I am tired of all this your depressing talk about an equally depressing country. I wan enjoy my brew in peace, if you no fit talk of something else, like fine okpekes and ikebe, make you come dey go!"

"Hahhahahha! This bros self! You too hard, you no know say you don old self, you still dey talk of small ikebe and okpekes!"

"You dey craze! That my Unilag smally, she tell me say I still dey kampe like OBJ!"

"Hahhahahha! Abeg give me cup jare! Make I shack myself silly!"

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